I’ve been thinking about why romantic movies, particularly movies that are romantic in a large way (Brave Heart, Cinderella Man, The Patriot, Pride and Prejudice, The Last of the Mohicans), are so compelling. I’m reminded of the oddly potent Snow Patrol song, “Chasing Cars,” which is about having a person with whom one can retreat under the covers and hide from the everyday world. It is about a wholeness that saves one from the harshness of life’s fractures.

the divine couple

The Divine Couple archetype is one of several archetypes of wholeness, in which masculine and feminine unite to form a coherent whole. The two become one and live out the remainder of their days in romantic, wedded bliss.

In spite of the literary and cinematic evidence, though, living a lifetime of wedded bliss is not what usually happens. The evidence of such a great body of romantic literature and cinema does serve, however, as an indicator of how constant and lasting is our longing to be whole and happy.

Theoretically, each of us ought to work to achieve wholeness within ourselves, pursuing it on our own until we become whole enough to attract another whole person. Most people miss that mark entirely by externalizing the quest for Self and working instead to find that perfect someone who will do it for us–make us complete. This someone who completes us may express itself through sexual passion, or perhaps through the pursuit of a spouse. Later, it may manifest through a desire to have children to complete a marriage. Failing these, many a person sublimates the drive for wholeness in other ways.

The problems with becoming whole are the obstacles in the way, not the least of which can be oneself. Psychologically unconscious patterns of being (called Archetypes) such as the shadow self (one’s sin, one’s dark side, all that’s not glorious), or contrasexual aspects such as the anima or animus often trip us up along the way. They may entice us off the straight and narrow path that actually leads to wholeness, onto paths that lead us farther and farther away from being real and whole.

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