Tag: loss

  • Repair

    The feminine is receptive, inclusive, rejuvenating, nurturing; the masculine is about power, independence, initiative, logos, and (strangely enough) Sophia. The whole human being needs all of these traits and gifts and more if he or she hopes to run a good race.

  • Broken

    December, January, and February are terrible months for me. They are months I spend nearly all my energy on necessary enslavement to seasonal demands that call on my most inferior functions to step up and do their duty. I do it every year with the peevishness of a colicky baby, but this particular year I’ve […]

  • Tribulation is Treasure

    Like many others who have lost children, I changed most in my thinking about what matters.

  • Resolved to Heal?

    The word ‘heal’ comes from the Old English word hælan, to make hale, whole, or free from infirmity. Among traditional therapists and counselors, it is a favorite word that means next to nothing when applied to the aftermath of losing one’s beloved.

  • The First Year

    For the first month after my daughter died, every day I woke up feeling heaviness and chest pain. Tears dithered behind my eyes constantly.

  • Her Dying Time | Finale

    Her dying time was her own business, and God’s. Mine was to do a mother’s labor, no more and no less.

  • Her Dying Time | 4

    As Olivia weakened and her light began to fade after her last hospitalization, I found I couldn’t sleep or eat. A terrible tension hung over everyone as we awaited the inevitable.

  • Her Dying Time | 3

    We didn’t tell our daughter that her hospitalizations were futile and would eventually end in complete renal failure and death. How can you tell your child such a thing? We didn’t even believe it ourselves, yet.

  • Her Dying Time | 2

    I knew in that moment, in the core of my being, that Olivia was going to die, and I sat in my car in the parking garage of the hospital that had become so familiar to us, and I cried and cried and cried.

  • Her Dying Time | 1

    Eight years ago today, my daughter was dying. We didn’t know when she would die or how long it would take, but we knew she was dying. The first week or so of August has been bittersweet since then, heralding the end of summer, the anniversary of one child’s adoption, the birthdays of our twins, […]