In the middle of the night

I Am Yours, by Misty Edwards

Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though it’s night, on You I wait
Though it’s night, on You I wait

It’s been a long night, and I am weary
It’s been a long time, and I am hungry
So I’ll wait in the stillness again
I’ll wait in the quiet again
For when I heard Your voice
When You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned

(repeat)

In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns

(repeat)

Though You’re far away, still I’m here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours
And when You feel so far away, still I am here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours

(repeat)

And I pay my vows, no turning around
I burn the bridges that can’t be found

(repeat)

For when I heard Your voice
And You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned
For You.

9 responses

  1. Beautiful. Thanks for posting this.

    (Although, I don’t see anger as belonging in the same category as lies, slander, envy, and especially bitterness. Anger can be very liberating. Provided, of course, that it doesn’t turn into bitterness… )

  2. I like this a lot.

    At first I thought it was about a love, but I’m almost positive that it’s about God now.

    I like your blog overall.

    ❤ Lauren

  3. The soul longs, yearns for the journey, the ego-identity/self longs for the destination; the spirit seeks movement, the ego seeks rest; the Self desires to be(come), the ego-identity desires to possess…and so is the battle between the straight and the winding joined joined.

    If…

    IF you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
    Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
    If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    ‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
    if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
    Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

    –Rudyard Kipling

  4. Thank you, sweetheart.

    I forgot to mention also that I am just finishing editing a very antireligious, prohumanist book that equates religion with pseudoscience and glorifies what the author sees as rationality and the scientific method. It’s been a depressing book, and irritating, as he is inconsistent–he mentions having a life partner. My husband pointed out, does he interact with this person only based on rational, scientifically sound thoughts, or does he let some irrational feelings, not based in anything tangible or measurable, come into play?

    I’ve come to the conclusion that it is folly to think that just because something isn’t “provable” using our current methods of analysis and our current consciousness that it doesn’t exist. As my husband also said recently, why would we think we can stuff something ineffable and outside of space and time like God into a box we can understand? Even when Jesus became Christ, God put himself right into a human body, we still didn’t understand him fully.

    The pastor’s sermon yesterday talked about being open to God, with emphasis on Romans 12:1-2 and the “renewing of the mind”. We have to be open, and wait, so that we can be entirely renewed. He linked this with Mark 2:18-22, how we cannot put new wine into old wineskins — we can’t expect to have God unless we transform ourselves. To link this further with Lent, he spoke of how this openness is connected with waiting, until we are confronted by the open tomb. I also thought of the openness of the grail, the cup waiting to be filled.

    Anyway, lots of thoughts of openness and waiting.

  5. The reason I posted this (this comment is just to post an explanation) is because this song, perhaps better than any other song, expresses what the past 5-8 years of my spiritual life have been like. Every single word is true for me. The past 5-8 years have been the darkest of my life, and they seem to never be growing any lighter for me, for though outwardly I continue to do all the things I need to do, inwardly I really do feel as I might feel if I were in purgatory or wandering alone in a very large, long, deep, dark wood with no hope of escape and actually having come to a place where I don’t even expect one and can hardly recall what it was like when the world seemed different to me.

    But at the same time, though I have stopped expecting or hoping for good and am surprised when it happens and when disaster is forestalled (why should we be special?), I have never been more merged with God (as I understand God) and never been more certain of my spiritual connectedness to Him; and I do hear His voice and my heart, yes, it does yearn. And it’s in the middle of the night now and every single day and I do not mean emotionally or physically, but certainly in the inner life I experience, I am in a very dark place. It is as if my feet are mired in a dark bog, along with all the rest of me, except for my spirit, which is in the presence of the Eternal.

    But somehow, this is not satisfying as I thought it would be and I am still a trudging slave in another part of me. I don’t know exactly why, although I have found a way to live with the duality because I cannot overcome it or force one part or another to just get lost. I just know I am trudging through drudgery when I want to fly, even as I can also stand and watch myself and talk to myself about theory and human development, religion and philosophy and even research, but it does not change my inner experience of my own life one little bit.

    So, thank you, Misty Edwards, for a song that is my theme song in the middle of the night.

    • Eve, whom the Son sets free is free indeed! I pray that you will experience the Joy that Jesus Christ brings with salvation! This is Good News! Rejoice!

  6. Heni, one of many things I like about you is that you let yourself experience immersion in whatever it is you’re doing in a particular season. This makes you interesting, but not merely dinner party interesting. Deep interesting.

  7. Nice ending to my day, Eve, filled with an early church service, a fellowship lunch with the pastor, and then study for my Bible class tomorrow night. I’ve not ever felt this churchy before 🙂

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